musings . . .

You probably know at least one person who has refrained from getting married because s/he says “I don’t believe in the institution of marriage.” or something similar.  While I understand many of the arguments people make for retaining their “single” status indefinitely, I think “not believing” in marriage is, well, a load of crap.

I recently read an article about a woman who ended up getting married to appeal to societal norms and to reap the rewards that come with “legitimizing” her relationship.  See here for the story.  While she says she doesn’t believe in marriage, she also says she enjoys the recognition that comes with using the words “married” and “husband”.

The fact is, marriage is a social contract that has evolved over time into what it is today – and that can be a variety of things.  I’ve met married people who don’t spend the workweek in the same town as their spouses.  I’ve met others that include three or more people  in their marriage (though only two can be recognized legally).  I’ve known married couples who despise one another but can’t seem to make the leap to divorce.  And I’ve known other couples who were completely devoted to one another and never needed the legal or societal recognition of a “marriage”, but still considered themselves married.

Long ago, marriage was only a social contract dealing with property.  A girl was the property of her father until she (and her dowry) became the property of her husband.  Many marriages were arranged.  Either the spouses learned to love each other or they learned to satisfy their needs for love elsewhere.

In modern times, marriage has evolved to become the legal recognition of a couple’s love and devotion to each other.  Arranged marriages are seldom seen in Western society.  Couples now are able to define their marriages for themselves.  Legally, there are no guidelines (as far as I know) beyond some archaic adultery laws that aren’t even enforced any longer.

I can’t even really define what it must mean when people say they don’t believe in marriage.  Are they saying that they don’t agree with the patriarchal history?  Are they saying they think people don’t take the vows seriously enough?  Are they young and trying to differentiate themselves from their parents?  How can a person not believe in something that really, truly does exist?  It’s like saying you don’t believe in the sun.  The semantics of the statement are baffling – marriage exists (just like the sun) whether you want to recognize it or not.  And if you don’t want to recognize it, well then you shouldn’t.  But I would say that means that you can’t attend other people’s ceremonies or celebrations.  That you can’t send anniversary cards or gifts.  That you refuse to recognize the legitimacy of other people’s marital commitments.

Stating that you “don’t believe in marriage” is just plain stupid.  It oversimplifies any legitimate objections you might have to the social, legal, or religious instutions and the impact that marriage (or singlehood) has on an individual or couple.  And it makes you sound like and idiot who can’t explain the reasoning behind your dislike or opposition to a long-standing human tradition.

If you are anywhere around Milwaukee, you know it rained all day yesterday.  And it was beautiful weather, by the way.  But I can never understand why just a day of rain can cause so many traffic accidents.  You would think that the only people who drove were 16 year olds who had just got their licenses.  But, no.  We’ve got ‘em all. 

 There’s the person who’s so afraid of everything on the road (the weather, the other drivers, his bald tires, etc.) that he drives in an overly cautious manner.  This means that he’s trying so hard not to get into an accident that he slams on his brakes too hard and causes others around him (who have no way of predicting his movements) to slam on their brakes too hard as well.  Inevitably, one of these people is going to have a mechanical failure, a failure in judgement, or just plain not enough room to stop because the the guy in front is overreacting to the driving conditions.

Then there’s the person who says to himself, “It’s just a little rain.  It’s not like it’s snow!”  This guy forgets that every time it rains like this he ends up skidding all over the road because he fails to take into account the slick pavement.  He drives just like it was sunny out, not giving extra time (or room) for stopping and not being any more considerate of other drivers than usual.  This guy is the one who loses control of the car and flies into something.  Let’s just hope it’s not us!

 There ware far too many accidents on the freeway system here yesterday.  People don’t need to get hurt like this.  I guess we’re at least keeping the mechanics in business!

 And while we’re talking about driving, here are a few of my pet peeves.

1. When you are driving perfectly fast in the left lane, passing others to your right, and the car behind you just won’t get off your bumper because you aren’t traveling 20mph over the speed limit.
2. When the car behind you keeps stopping within only inches from your bumper.
3. When the person in front of you is following very closely (and happens to drive a big SUV that you can’t see around or through) and slams on her brakes at the last minute, leaving you to perform a feat Houdini wouldn’t dare by trying to stop in time.
4. People who read in the car while driving.  Or apply makeup.  Or text message.  Or otherwise divert their attention from the road.  (Drive or pull over!)
5. TV screens that I can watch from outside their vehicle (and inside mine).  Now that’s distracting.  See my post on Movies While You Drive here.
6. The woman who drives 25 MPH in a 35 MPH zone and won’t let me pass. 

Got any peeves?  Let me know!